Sometimes I wish I could live in the world of my dreams.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful and happy with my waking life. I married a lovely man, who is patient, hard-working, loving, very tolerant of my oddities, and a wonderful father to our two boys. And yes, my two sons – darlings in their own ways. Absolute joys and challenges and yes, very much boys. We have a great little house (rent, not own – oh, well), with a huge, wild yard that I love more than is likely good for me. We live in a lovely not-too-big city, surrounded by forests, mountains and the sea. We are very near to several grandparents who adore our boys and regularly take them off our hands when needed. We have enough income to live well, eat well and indulge in pursuing our personal hobbies and passions. I also get to do many things I love – knit, spin, weave, dye and sell fibre for the pleasure of others, and garden. Really, things are very good.
So why do I often long for the realm of dreams? I don’t mean living in a world of all sorts of dreams, but of particular dreams, particular scenarios that really appeal to me, that have a strong emotional connection, usually to a particular person. I will admit it – usually it’s a love story that I, or the character I embody in the dream, am wrapped up in. The person of my passion in the dreams is rarely one that I know in the waking world. Sometimes it’s a celebrity (hey, we all do that, yeah?), but most often it’s an unknown male. Strange, no? Why does my subconscious create these love stories? Is it that I’m a sucker for romantic movies? Is it that I am a married woman whose imagination loves to wander and wonder about other romantic possibilities, for myself, or for imaginary female characters? Hm, likely both. Mind you, I have had these sorts of dreams since my teen years, before I was a “taken” woman, and often during my swingin’ single bachelorette years. So the married thing might not be the only reason.
I suspect that because I am an emotional person, one who keeps her feeling very close to the surface, I often become emotionally invested in things easily and quickly. It’s part of what makes me a passionate person, and a ‘get-obsessed-with-something/someone’ person. And then I get bored and move on. So perhaps my mind creates these particular emotion-packed, romantic/sensual/sexual dreams to just explore, to feed my need for more – more love, more passion, more creative fire, more adventure and more longing. This is conjecture, of course, as my subconscious won’t tell me in words, only in symbols and archetypes, in visuals, and of course in the dreams. Now if I could only decipher it all succinctly, I’d have the answers I seek.
So why do I mention this today? Well, not surprisingly I had a dream in the early hours this morning of one such romantic dream that left me wondering. It also seemed somewhat fitting for my screenplay idea – could it be incorporated into the story? It did take place in Scotland, as my story does. Maybe my subconscious was trying to take the story in a slightly altered path, to create much needed conflict. Not sure what it all means. More to daydream and brainstorm on, no doubt.